


Burn With a Smile

by whosbrian



Category: Stray Kids (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Angst, Childhood Friends, Friends With Benefits, M/M, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-07
Updated: 2020-12-07
Packaged: 2021-03-10 00:20:52
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,328
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27945206
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/whosbrian/pseuds/whosbrian
Summary: "He’s destroying you. Burning you from the inside."Or the day Seungmin decides he's had enough of seeing his best friend get hurt.
Relationships: Han Jisung | Han/Hwang Hyunjin, Han Jisung | Han/Lee Minho | Lee Know, Kim Seungmin/Lee Minho | Lee Know
Comments: 22
Kudos: 96





	Burn With a Smile

**Author's Note:**

> hi! i'm back!
> 
> the title of this fic comes from eaj's song pacman, which is the sole reason this fic exists (also an absolute bop) (stan day6). i recommend listening to it while you read for the full angsty feels. enjoy!

Minho was bored out of his mind.

It was the middle of the afternoon on a Wednesday, right at the halfway point of their mid-term break. He had only been awake for two hours, and he had done absolutely nothing productive today. No studying, no watching anything, no dancing. His main activity had been to pet his cats while staring at his bedroom ceiling, and he was sick of it.

Sitting up with a groan, he readjusted his cat in his lap, assessing the state of his room. Not bad. A few shirts on the floor and cat fur everywhere, but otherwise pretty clean. _Clean enough to invite someone over_. 

Minho stretched his stiff back before searching his messy blankets for his phone. Finally finding it, he unlocked the device, doing his best to ignore the _text Seungmin asap!!_ reminder he had set in his calendar to instead stare at the top of his speed dial list for a few minutes, hesitating, so long that his screen went dark again.

He knew he shouldn’t. He knew it now more than ever. Nonetheless, he unlocked his phone again, clicked on the contact name and brought the device to his ear, waiting. After four rings, it finally picked up. The other man seemed to be talking to someone else, voice distant.

“ _...no, fuck off, Taco, stop licking the sofa, you’re gonna stain it._ ” There was some rummaging at the other end of the call before Minho finally heard the other man’s voice clearly. “ _Hi, sweetheart,_ ” said Jisung, a smile evident in his voice.

Minho let out a giggle at Jisung’s antics. “Hi. Your dog giving you trouble again?”

“ _As always. That little devil keeps licking my fucking couch and it’s driving me_ crazy _,_ ” the younger replied, dragging the last syllable out into a very dramatic groan of annoyance, to which Minho laughed yet again. “ _Anyway, how are you doing?_ ”

“Bored,” said Minho with a sigh. “I’m done with all my projects for the week and I can’t find motivation to do anything else. Not even dancing, can you imagine?”

Jisung gave a hum of understanding. “ _Did you want me to come over? Your timing is perfect, Hyunjin just left for his parents’ for the rest of the break._ ”

Ah. Of course.

You see, Minho and Jisung’s situation was… Quite something.

Minho had been completely and utterly in love with Jisung for three years already. They became friends during their very first semester of college, when Minho’s tutoring sessions and bubble tea breaks had been the only things keeping Jisung from miserably failing their shared chemistry class. The older thought he had chances, honestly. They spent so much time together, calling each other pet names and cuddling every now and then, and never in his life had he met someone who could make him laugh as much as Jisung did. It was to his utmost disappointment that he discovered his friend’s desperate crush on his english partner, Hyunjin, which turned into love and a relationship way quicker than he thought it would. 

Minho had been stuck pretending to be happy for Jisung for over two years when the change in the younger boy’s relationship came and threw all his restraint out the window.

Thinking back, he should’ve seen it coming. Jisung was naturally a very touchy and cuddly person, especially to Minho, and some of their many drunk episodes had shown him that the younger was very open to new experiences, despite his never ending and undying love for Hyunjin.

It didn’t keep Minho from staring at Jisung with his jaw floored when the younger had turned up at his door on a random Thursday evening and asked him to be his other sexual partner (no strings attached, of course), big doe eyes staring back at him with their usual happy glint. 

Despite his initial shock and overwhelming confusion, it didn’t take much convincing for Minho to say yes. When he finally realized how big of a mistake it had been, it was too late for him to stop.

Minho chewed on his bottom lip, hesitant. He should say no, he knew he should say no. He shouldn't even have called in the first place. Especially after the conversation he had had with his best friend earlier that week, which was still lingering in his mind.

〜

“It’s not good for you, Min,” Seungmin told him two days before, when he stayed over for dinner. “Hooking up with _him_ like that. I can see how much he’s hurting you.” He took an angry mouthful of pasta before declaring. “It’s about time you admit to yourself that whatever you have with Jisung has to end. Or, more accurately, what you _don’t_ have with Jisung.”

“For fuck’s sake, Seungmin, we’ve talked about this. It’s fine. _I’m_ fine. Just drop it.”

And usually that would do it. Seungmin would sigh and shake his head, clearly showing that he wasn’t happy about it, but would drop the subject nonetheless. 

It seemed that day was different. The younger swallowed his bite and put down his fork, frowning. He stared Minho in the eyes for a few seconds, taking a deep breath before speaking.

“Min, I’m serious.” Minho had never seen such a concerned look on his friend’s face. “I’ve known you for most of my life, and _never_ have I seen you so sad. He’s destroying you. Burning you from the inside.”

Minho’s fork hit the table, too, and with an annoyed huff, he leaned back on his chair. He crossed his arms over his chest. He really wasn’t in the mood to be lectured, even though his friend’s tone held something more than just reproach. 

“Why?” he asked angrily. “Why does it bother you so much that I keep seeing him? I told you a million times already, I’m perfectly fine with being second best.”

“Oh really,” Seungmin returned. He chuckled bitterly, a far cry from his usual chime of laughter. Minho hated it. “That’s why you’ve been calling me almost every week for six months, in the middle of the night, drunk out of your ass, _crying_ -”

“Seungmin, stop-”

“Telling me how fucking _great_ Jisung is,” the younger continued, raising his voice close to a shout, talking over Minho, “how much you love him and how amazing he makes you feel, yet how _crushing_ it was to see him be truly in love with someone else and how hard you wished you were the one he _actually_ wanted-”

“I said stop!”

Minho slammed his hand on the table, rising from his chair, chest heaving. Anger and sadness mixed painfully in his chest. The boys stared at each other without a word for a few tension-filled seconds.

“You want to know why I keep seeing him, Seung?” Minho’s voice was shaking. Taking a deep breath, he continued. “Why I let him use me, _destroy_ me, day after day? Why I keep telling myself that I’m fine with being second best?” Blinking fast, he tried to stop his eyes from filling up with tears. He wouldn’t give Seungmin the satisfaction of knowing he was right. “Because I’m in love with him. The kind of love that you _know_ I’ve never felt for anyone before. It eats me alive, keeps me up at night. Knowing that he doesn’t feel the same way about me doesn’t change anything. If all I can get from him is some poor imitation of love in exchange for good sex, I’ll have it. I’ll have anything he will give me.”

Minho let himself fall back on his chair. His hands were slightly shaking; sober Minho talking about his emotions was a rare occurrence, and it was a little scary for the both of them. He looked up to Seungmin and was surprised to be met with such a pained expression.

“How long are you planning to keep this going, Min?” Seungmin asked, his voice barely louder than a whisper. “How long will you let him _destroy_ you?”

Minho let a first tear fall, shrugging. “As long as he’ll want me. It’s the best I can get from him.” He didn’t bother to wipe the next ones, letting them create wet streaks on his cheeks.

Seungmin looked at him with the softest look Minho had ever seen on his best friend’s face. He was shocked to see that Seungmin’s eyes matched his own tear-filled ones. He could count on one hand the number of times he’d seen his friend cry, and he definitely didn’t expect one of these times to be because of him.

“You deserve better than that.” Seungmin’s voice cracked at the end of his sentence. He aggressively wiped the first tears that fell, but more quickly followed. “So much better than someone who only wants you for sex. You deserve to be loved, cared for, cherished. You deserve so much better than what you’re giving yourself.”

“And who’s going to give me that, huh?” Minho laughed bitterly. “Who the hell will want, let alone _love_ a soul as broken as mine? No one wants that.”

“Oh for fuck’s sake,” Seungmin said, rolling his eyes, roughly pushing his chair away from the table and standing up, startling Minho. “ _I_ will! I’ll give you that and anything else you’ll ever need! How the fuck do you still not see it?” 

What?

Minho sat, mouth agape, staring at his friend. “But, why-”

“Because I’m in love with you!” Seungmin shouted, probably angering the neighbour, not that any of them cared. His breathing was uneven, and the tears were falling from his cheeks to the hem of his hoodie. “I’m in love with you, you idiot! Fucking hell, Min, I’ve been in love with you for as long as I remember, and I’ve spent the last three years of my life watching the bright and fierce person that’s been my best friend forever turn into a heartbroken mess.” He gave a pained groan. “I’ve let you cry on my shoulder for weeks over a guy who will never love you the way I do, wondering why you would _ever_ want him when you could have me any day you wanted. I could give you everything Jisung has ever given you and everything you’ve always wanted from him. Why can’t you see that?” With a sob, he pressed the heels of his palms to his eyes, turning to pace through the dining room.

Minho was stunned, to say the least. This made no sense. How could Seungmin love him like that? And why had he never told him about it? There had never been secrets between them. In the midst of his confusion, he found it in himself to be hurt that Seungmin had hid something that big from him all this time. 

He watched Seungmin walk in front of him, trying to decide what to say next. He rose from his chair, holding out a hand over the table to try and reach his friend, but the younger turned further away from him.

“Seung, I-”

“Save it, alright?” He shook his head with a cold laugh. Minho dropped his hand. “Forget it. God, I never should’ve said all this. I didn’t mean it. I’ll go.”

“Seung, come on, I know you, you wouldn’t say it if you didn’t mean it.”

“Just let me go, Minho. I’ll talk to you later.”

With that, Seungmin left the dining room. Minho fell back on his chair, listening to the sound of his best friend putting on his coat, the jingle of his car keys, the soft _thump_ of his head against the door as he let himself cry for a few seconds before opening it and leaving the apartment at last.

Minho spent the rest of the evening rooted to his seat, staring at the half emptied bowl across from him on the dining table, wishing he could bring Seungmin back. Wishing he could love him back. 

〜

He still hadn’t texted Seungmin to apologize or answered any of the messages the younger had sent him. He felt too guilty to even try to excuse himself. Hooking up with Jisung after an argument _about_ his hookups was definitely on the top of his list of possible bad decisions, but he felt so, so lost, especially after hurting the one person who had always helped him find his way again.

“ _Minho? You still there?_ ”

“Yes, sorry, I dozed off for a second.”

“ _So, do you want me to come over? I can bring snacks, Hyunjin left a bunch._ ”

Guilt searing in his stomach, he answered.

“Yeah, I’d like that.”

“ _Alright, give me half an hour and I’ll be at your place._ ”

“See you in a bit.”

Minho hung up. He stared at his phone until the screen went dark, not bothering to wipe the tears that were slowly falling down his cheeks. 

〜

  
  


Minho had known Jisung long enough to be aware of his habit of hugging the closest thing to him while sleeping, but their peculiar arrangement had shown him that it only got worse after sex. He also knew how much being close to Jisung hurt him. Still, he let the younger boy get himself comfortable in his arms every time they met up.

Minho looked down at Jisung, who was sleeping soundlessly on his chest. His cheeks seemed even puffier in his slumber, and his steady breathing made goosebumps rise on Minho’s skin. Minho carded his fingers through Jisung’s short hair, sighing softly. Leaning into the motion, the younger cuddled up even closer to Minho’s body, squeezing his arm over his torso. Quietly, Minho pressed a kiss on the top of the younger’s head and closed his eyes, trying to find sleep and to ease the scorching pain in his chest.

“ _He’s destroying you_ ,” Seungmin had said the day of their last fight. “ _Burning you from the inside._ ”

  
_I know_ , Minho thought, his mouth turning into a defeated grin. _At least he makes me burn with a smile._

**Author's Note:**

> this one has been cooking in my mind since august and i'm SO happy it's finally done
> 
> as always, thank you SO MUCH for reading, every single click truly means the world to me. i hope you enjoyed!
> 
> special thanks to kiera for once again proofreading this, i love you the most <3
> 
> [twitter](https://twitter.com/leeminhoelic)


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